Despite everything going on, I can still say that I’m mostly happy overall.
I don’t spend every moment dwelling on cancer, though I have had a couple of brief crying spells about it. I really am choosing to believe that somebody has to be the 1 in 10 who beats the odds and that my husband will be that one. I have lots of reasons that I don’t think that’s a dumb or naive belief.
I have a greater belief that my MS isn’t going to get worse. I just feel very strongly that I won’t. And if I’m wrong, I think it would have happened anyway even if I took the drugs. I’ve just read of too many people who got worse while on the drugs to believe that the drugs are preventative.
I’m taking my health into my own hands, which feels empowering. I’m getting tested for food allergies and will avoid the things to which I’m allergic. I’m already working toward eliminating dairy and gluten, as both are very inflammatory foods and inflammation plays a big role in MS.
While I feel that I’m supposed to be on disability at this point in time, my goal is still to eventually get off of it. I still believe that I’ll heal well enough that I can work full-time again someday. Maybe I can even go to grad school. I’m not there yet but I still believe I can get there.
I’m not ready to give up on either my husband or myself yet. Life has too many possibilities. I’ll deal with changes as they occur. But for now, I’m finding a lot to be happy about, just because I have hope.