I originally wrote this entry on my original Conflict Girl blog back on January 17, 2006. Sometimes I really wish I could write like this again. I also wish that Google hadn’t changed in such a way where it was so hard to find out what search phrases people use to find your blog because that used to be a great source of entertainment for me.
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Now, after the past few entries, it’s time for something funnier. Yes, I have once again checked my stats, because the key phrases on search engines are always sure to amuse me.
“ayelet waldman insane” and “ayelet waldman pretentious” – no comment, but those made me laugh especially hard. Whomever you are, if by some chance you’re still reading, send me an email.
“three in diapers at night” – I have been there, and I am so, so sorry.
“kung fu fighting of iran” – WHAT THE F*& ?!?
“there arent no freak in french fries video” – but in the cheeseburger video, now that’s a different story.
“i am not sure my sump pump is working” – the flooded basement is usually a good clue when it isn’t.
“tips on telepathic conversation with a soulmate” – if you need tips, it’s probably not true telepathy, is it?
“conflict in buried onions” – if you can find some, you need to write about it.
“stop me before i go crazy because i need to get work done but im so understimulated i cant take it anymore” – I am trying to picture someone actually typing this into a search engine. Do they think a search engine is someone listening to them? Or a random wish generator? Next: here’s me with Blingo open on my computer. Watch me type “i am really hungry for guacamole i wish baja fresh would open a location closer than sterling heights”
“define hydroponic love” – you can’t. and that is why Gwen Stefani sucks at songwriting. Ditto “what does hydroponic love mean?” – nobody knows.
“kraft mixed vegetables and stove top stuffing recipe” – trust me, you will NOT find that here. By the way, Stove Top stuffing also has high fructose corn syrup in it.
“associates degree in sociology typical jobs” – I believe the answer to that would be “cashier at Walmart”. HELLO. Associates degree. It’s hard enough to get a job even with a bachelors degree in sociology. Nursing is one of the only associate degree programs that will actually increase your odds of getting a job.
“kick bush ass coupon” – Oooh! I want one!
“abortion using lye soap” – This is why abortion needs to stay legal – and why sex ed in schools is more necessary than ever.
“banana peels as anti itch” – I had a boyfriend like you once.
“how to make a clock out of a tree stump” – please DON’T! Because if you do, someone will just give it to their grandchild later, who really won’t want it.
I think I need to go back in the archives and alter that post about that horrible Christmas Shoes song because I’ve gotten more than 50 hits from search engines for people looking for that song. And that song sucks and disturbs me, so it bothers me that people are actually looking for it on purpose. But also judging by my hits, some people agree with me about how much that song sucks. Thank you, for restoring my faith in humanity just a little bit.
There were a lot of people looking for information on how to cure PCOS. It can’t be cured, but I will write soon about how to manage it, since there seems to be some interest out there.
As usual, there also a bunch of really sick perverts out there but I’m not giving you space here. Except for this one, because it was funny: “crabbe and goyle transgendered”. Now that’s a whole new twist on the Harry Potter books.
Return of Conflict Girl 