Energy

I feel like Tigger: bounce bounce bounce.

Warning that this isn’t an interesting post and there aren’t any big insights. I just want to record that things are Really. Good. right now.

My husband’s new job seems like it’s going well and looks likely to be a very long-term thing. (Not that it’s a temp job or anything, just that he’s worked at some places where it seemed even early on that it was just a stepping stone kind of job.)

I’m actually so relieved every time I think about it that he got out of his last job. Not only because of the buyout and layoffs, but also because they were grossly underutilizing his skills. He’s finally on more of the track that he deserves to be.

Because his job is still on the Fort Worth side of the area, my plan to move to Arlington once the kids graduate could actually happen and be practical. But of course, I’ll be finishing grad school (!!) around the same time as my youngest finishes high school, so who knows where I’ll be working. And I do really like my current house now, even if I have some concerns about the rest of the neighborhoods nearby.

Every time I think about grad school, I get so excited. I keep looking over the course lists for the major every couple days and doing that gets me more pumped up. I know for sure that this is what I want to do.

Because now I’ve got a lot of freelance work again and my husband’s earning more, I finally can breathe about finances. I can get things my kids need without having to budget for it. Even more importantly, I’m getting caught up on all my bills.

Yesterday, I looked at my and my husband’s total student loan debt for the first time in quite a while. We’re current on our loans but they’re also not significantly going down. So I came up with a strategy for how to pay them off, which will mostly be after I finish my master’s and go to work again.

Even if that’s years away, it gives me such a feeling of empowerment to think that I will really be able to work to get that off my back. I hate having debt and I like having savings. We’ve lived too close to the margins for too long and it feels like we’re finally seeing a clearing up ahead.

Add to that my admittedly insane motivation for exercise (lately, I’ve been doing 90-minute walks) and new daily meditation habit, and everything just feels really good.

I’m also tracking all the food I eat and I’m coming in below my daily calorie goal–and I don’t eat my exercise calories–but I’m still not losing weight. That’s a little frustrating, to be exercising so much and watching what I eat, and still not losing any weight. It sucks…but I’m also not beating myself up for it. I know I’m doing the right things regardless of my weight, and I know it’s because of the same medications that help me. I’m going to keep watching my diet and exercising anyway because I like how it makes me feel.

Everything is just going really well and I’m really appreciating that. I have goals again. I don’t have negative influences in my life. Even if it took medication to get me well enough that I could get motivated to do all the other stuff, it’s okay. Because I’m still me even with medication. I just finally feel better and the contrast is so remarkable after feeling so bad for so long.

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