Now what?

I’m stuck in this awkward limbo right now. I feel well enough that I anticipate being able to work in the future. But I’m also not there yet right this minute.

That makes this super challenging with regards to my disability claim. My lawyer just filed my first appeal so I have to go through and fill out all the function reports again.

I’m having the follow-up interview with the neuropsychologist this week for disability purposes as well. He’s finalizing his report and submitting it to social security on my behalf.

I’m caught in this really uncomfortable position because I know that if I tell my doctors I’m doing well, that will cause me to lose my case. But the alternative is to lie, which I’m not comfortable doing, either.

The lawyer advised me to describe my function on my worst day, even if my average day is better than that. But the truth is that even my worst day isn’t that bad anymore.

I feel pretty sure that unless something dramatically changes for the worse, I’ll be doing pretty damn well in just a few months. I’ve already started applying for some part-time (non-writing-related) work at home jobs that I could still do even if I got disability. But the truth is that I feel like I reversed my disease progress by at least five years just in the past month. I legitimately don’t feel chronically ill anymore. Yes, I still have signs of MS. But I don’t feel that they’re disabling.

So how do I proceed from here? I suspect it will all be decided for me, one way or the other. The odds are actually against me getting disability and I’m okay with that. I just need to somehow get through until I can start earning some money again. Right now that’s still in limbo. If I could somehow get disability for a year, that would be awesome. I could use the grants that would help me get back to work so I could get physical therapy or see a therapist or hire a personal trainer or a nutritionist.

I’m so close to being well. But it’s kinda weird that I’m not all the way there yet.


  1. I completely understand how you are feeling. Living in limbo isn’t easy. I know it often feels like things aren’t going to get any better, but keeping a positive mind can be helpful.


    1. Holly says:

      Thanks, Alyssa! I’m doing pretty well with keeping a positive mindset and do feel like I’m doing better. I’m just not sure if I’m doing well enough to cancel my disability claim yet!

      Liked by 1 person

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