I never know how long the peaceful moments will last, but I enjoy them while they’re here.
Sure, I’m most definitely in a relapse of my MS now. Or more accurately, just an exacerbation of old symptoms that decided to reappear because I was too overheated for too long, haven’t gotten enough sleep, and still haven’t recovered from the stress of trying to work full-time.
Steroids don’t help me anymore since my illness has progressed to that point, so I just have to ride this one out. It’s not comfortable to say the least.
And yet, somehow in the middle of all this, I have little glimpses of peace and hope. I watched a good documentary tonight called “Living Proof” that showed how diet and lifestyle have a greater impact on the course of MS than the medications do.
Seeing as how I already lean toward that point of view, I was more than willing to go along. And it also gave me a renewed sense of hope. Some of the people in that video were so much worse off than me. On the one hand, that could terrify me about how bad I could get at any moment, since the disease is so unpredictable.
On the other hand, it was also a much-needed perspective check that I’m not really as bad off as I feel. I can walk even if I limp and my balance isn’t great. I don’t need a wheelchair or walker. I don’t need assistive devices to help me speak.
And knowing that cleaning up my diet will likely help me feel better (because it did before but I just didn’t stick to it strictly enough) gives me hope.
I know I’m still not likely to ever be able to work full-time again. Even if the confusion and difficulty learning new things that I’m experiencing now eventually goes away, I’ll still need to be able to get enough sleep, keep my stress low, to get regular exercise.
But I started thinking about all the things I still want to do and all the things I still have to contribute. And I just don’t want to count myself out of the game just yet.